Monday 12 January 2009

of retirements and lasting marriages

As Louis K. Anspacher had said, Marriage is that relation between man and woman in which the independence is equal, the dependence mutual, and the obligation reciprocal.

Last January 9, I attended the most memorable retirement ceremony in my life. Though I was hesitant at first to attend it since I have known ceremonies like that as boring as never-ending praises for the retirees. it became a situation where one would take a look on marriage on a different view.

Director Rudy Razul vowed out from government service after 41 years to give time for himself and his wife a chance to enjoy the few remaining years of their lives together. He and his wife, manang carmen has been married for 38 years. quite a feat these days wherein marriages barely last 10 years. Most of us who knew him were caught by surprise why he decided to retire when he has still 3 years before reaching compulsory retirement age of 65. For all we know, he still healthy and known for his intelligence and wisdom in leading people. he is a great example of how government civil servants would be, honest and dedicated to duty.

on the other hand, the incoming regional director coming in replace him is an old, familiar face. Director Rene Libunao served as assistant regional director in the late 90s in this region and kumpare of the Director. they are close friends and grew up together in the department. While Director Libunao was sad that his good friend is going to retire, he was very thankful and take it as heaven's blessing considering he will be having his post here in Davao city, the place where his family lived. he has been assigned in different parts of the country in the last 8 years, leaving his wife in charged of the children. he further told the attendees that there were times when Helen, his wife, would ask when will there suffering ends. same as with Director RAzul, they have been married for 38 years too.

Initially, my thoughts of the ceremony is about saying goodbyes to the outgoing and goodluck to the outgoing. but rather it came to me as reflections on how marriages would last. it entails sacrifices and believing that glorification comes after sacrifices. deep in my heart, i envy these 2 gentlemen. they have a solid marriage and they have someone to lend on when the tough gets going. how emotional and touching to hear those kind words they utter for their loving wife. in a nutshell, it became a reflection for me on where am i leading to. where is this road i am traveling now lead into. after being married for 15 years, me and my wife decided to end it. yup, it hurts to the max level knowing that you will be going to the distance alone. Danny DeVito said in the The War of the Roses, There are two dilemmas that rattle the human skull: How do you hang on to someone who won't stay? And how do you get rid of someone who won't go?

I found it hard to sleep that night. it goes me back to the times when i was still in the academy when my tactical officer , capt. randolph delfin, always remind us cadets. he said, there is no amount of success can compensate one's failure in marriage. i took what he said by heart, enduring difficult situations just to make my marriage work. but not all we want in this life are granted. some say trials are bound to make us stronger. but are these still trials? because i felt these are finals. marriages are not designed for break-ups but sticking together.

in the final analysis, the man up there never ceases to reminds us of what stuff we should be made of, even in different occasions and different times. we may fail in the first time but there is still hope that we can be happy the second time around. most people would say, in everything, we should move on, even when moving on is the most difficult thing to do. for those whose marriages who still intact, never waste it for the curse and stigma remains forever.

Some marriages break up, and some do not, and in our world you can usually explain the former better than the latter. ~Mignon McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966

Wednesday 7 January 2009

chantee's birthday




31st of december is a special day for the family. not only because it happens to be the day wherein we will cross over to the new year the following day but simply because it's chantee's birthday, our beloved bunso. we thought chantee will become a new year baby but came short of 45 minutes before the clock strikes 12 midnight in 2003.

this year's birthday is different from the previous years. we decided it to have it in bansalan due to chantee's wish that it should in his lolo's house. another thing is that, for the time in the family, we have roasted sheep. having a lechon karnero is bit of a sacrifice. we went as far as malita, which is 150 kms from bansalan to get our sheep. it entails having the animal inside the car because the seller warned us that the animal would die if tied on the roof of the car. just imagine the stink we endure while we travel back home. we just didn't realize that the worst is yet to come. the stink of the animal remained in the car for several days. it took me hours of dry cleaning the car but to no avail. finally, we resorted on having the floor mat of the car washed using car shampoo.

birthdays in our family is a very complicated occasion. everybody is busy doing something, ranging from food preparation, cakes, decorations, invitations and everything.... it also means informing all relatives that there is a birthday party coming or else, somebody's heart is broken by being left uninvited.


yup, chantee's birthday made a difference for him. he was indeed very happy and keep on telling people in the neighborhood that it is his birthday. in the afternoon, he was busy sweeping the surroundings for trash, helping his lolo cleaning the house. someday, when he is finally grown up and having life of is own, he may realize that one day in his life, we are busy doing everything just to grant his wish for a memorable birthday in his lolo's house. he is just lucky. we didnt have birthday like he do.....